I know you’re here today looking for answers. Mainly… why did I leave Hampshire so abruptly after 15 months of sharing a countryside I had truly fallen head over heels in love with. Well, I’ll start by saying you probably aren’t going to get the juicy gossip you’re hoping for here. So, don’t cancel your nightly watching of Real Housewives thinking your entertainment quota will be satisfied by what you’re about to digest. It won’t be.
Here’s the long and short of it. I’ve come home, to South Carolina, for a few months to press restart. This isn’t a vacation. It’s not a jolly. It’s a choice I had to make because of a personal situation that I’m not going to share, out of respect for the other parties involved. I’ve said goodbye to a life I was living, I’ve officially pressed a button that’s labelled “restart” and I’m putting myself back together in the safest place I know on this earth – home.
I didn’t make the decision to come home lightly. I was planning to return when the world was a little more back to normal and good ole Boris was telling us it was ok to go on vacation. I wanted to visit my family, like everyone else, but I wanted to do it and then return to life and work as normal. Well, whatever “normal” is these days. But, hey, not everything works out in life as planned. If we’ve learned nothing else in this past year, there is that.
Now, my original plan was to wait until I was out of quarantine to tell you I was home (yes, I quarantined, and I’m vaccinated, and I have taken more Covid tests than any individual probably should in a two week period). I wanted time to heal, time to be with my family and time to create in a way that would be, hopefully, beautiful and therapeutic. Things haven’t gone exactly to plan. I think this past year has thrown me for an emotional loop, as it has done for 99.9% of the world. So emotions are running high. I cry at the drop of a hat and am finding it particularly tough to pull out my camera as creativity is nonexistent for me at the moment. That has been the scariest thing of all this past week. For the first time in 11 years, my camera sat on a shelf and collected dust. No joke. I had to wipe the viewfinder clean this afternoon to get the shot you see above. I just haven’t wanted to do anything.
And for that, I owe you an apology, again, one of the dozen or so I’ve issued this year. I’ve let everything fall by the wayside. Honestly, everything. I’ve given no love to this site for months. I’ve tried to channel all the positivity I could and share as much as possible on Instagram, with daily shots and stories to give the illusion that “everything was fine.” But like so many of you know yourselves, everything wasn’t fine. And hey, that’s where I have to throw my hands up and say, “I wasn’t honest. I was selling a lie.” Don’t get me wrong. The images themselves, of the magnificent countryside, are as honest as they come. But, the struggle I was experiencing on a personal level behind the scenes was not honest and for that I feel guilty.
So what now?
Well, it’s time for a bounce back, people. It’s time for me to do the healing I’ve been talking about. It’s time for me to throw myself back into what I love… writing, storytelling, shopping and sharing! I lost a bit of who I was and I feel like I’ve got the wheels headed in the right direction to be carefully placed again on the correct track. I’ve got a few months here to put my head down and get on with it all, so I hope you’re ready to be thrown into the deep end of what is sure to be a resurgence of next level epic proportion. Well, that’s what I’m planning anyway.
I’ve never been one to simply be down and stay down. And I guess that’s the bigger message I wanted to send out into the world today. First, that you never know what’s happening behind the scenes and second, that I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about it from the start. But third, and the most important, is that I’m home now in a place where I feel like I’ve been given rocket fuel for the future. For that, I’m humbled, blessed and excited!
So, people of the UK, don’t give up on me. I’m coming back. But, my fellow Americans, I hope you’ll be happy to welcome me home for a few months of enjoying this lovely landscape!
And with that, I’ll just say now… and forever… THANK YOU!
Thank you for always being supportive, for sending endless messages as I hinted at a change and checking in to make sure I was ok. I’ve met so few of you in person, but the conversations we have had on a daily basis truly have made me feel as if I have friends all over the world. That is an honour I never thought I would have in my lifetime and one I am forever thankful for.
Now, time for a therapist to move into my weekly schedule, some sun to touch this ghost white skin (don’t worry, I’m wearing my SPF) and for my keyboard to feel the ache of my tireless fingers bringing new content your way daily!
BRING IT ON!
So, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask below in comments. I’m all too happy to answer anything I can.