Apparently I'm "not a plus size influencer without a bikini pic..."

posted on: Thursday, 29 March 2018

I like to think I've developed some pretty thick rhino skin over the years. I've sat through countless negative comments. I cried through my first one and every one thereafter just left me a little more numb to the entire situation, or so I thought. Over the past couple of months I've had a rather strange kind of trolling, one I never ever expected. Let me first say that I am a tall, 6'2, woman that wears a size 18. That can fluctuate from brand to brand, as we all know. But, it is pretty solidly in the "plus size" category of clothing. I can wear some straight size clothing, which means I sort of straddle the fence there a bit, but I pretty much identify myself as a curvy girl. It's taken me a lot of years to get used to the idea that a single digit clothing size is never in my future, but it's just the way the cards were dealt for me. Now, saying all of this, it seems that this size 18 booty is not considered part of the plus size community for reasons I never expected. I have had dozens of people asking, in one way or another, why I don't showcase lingerie or bathing suits and more or less accusing me of not being a curvy blogger because I refuse to do so. WTF?! Since when did you have to showcase more of your body in order to be a part of a grouping of people? Surely me standing up and saying, "this is the number in the back of my jeans," is enough?

Let me take a step back here and say that I have looked upon many of peers in the industry with admiration and respect for the beautiful images they have shared naked, in a bathing suit or in lingerie. Power to you, lovelies and may I just say that you're wonderful statements have widened the definition of beauty in 2018 and for that you should be proud. But, that doesn't mean that every woman has to share a picture of themselves in a bikini on social, surely? Call me crazy but I'm not comfortable in a bathing suit or in sharing a picture of myself in a bathing suit with the general public. That's just my own situation. But, to be called out on it is ridiculous. My body is my own and I fully intend for it to stay that way. Frankly, it's none of your business if I have a roll that hangs out over my bikini bottom or if my boobs sag a bit from too much weight loss and weight gain over the years. And just because I let you into my world on a daily basis on instagram, twitter, facebook, the blog and more, doesn't mean you get to look into every inch of my existence or body. Fashion Foie Gras is a fashion blog. I showcase outfits I love that I hope will act as outfit inspiration for other women of all shapes and sizes. I've never dressed a certain way because I'm bigger than the average woman on the streets of the world. My only limitation in my style is dictated by the size range in clothing and that's it. So maybe you're right, trolls, maybe I don't identify with being a plus size fashion blogger. I consider myself just a fashion blogger.

Perhaps that's the bigger problem here. We are still hell bent on categorising ourselves, alongside the designer mafia that are doing it for us, by marking sizes as straight and plus. Why can't a garment just come in size 0-24 without there being a special marking from sizes 14 and up? On instagram it's no different. Most of us seem to have to find a little grouping we would put ourselves in. Are you petite? Tall? Curvy? Colourful? Earthy?.... over and over again we're told we need to find our niche and carve it out online so we can stand out from the pack, when in reality you're just falling in with the fold. I follow bloggers and instagrammers of all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities and from all walks of life. Variety is the spice of social, don't you know? Which is why it confuses me when people want to pigeon hole me and put me in one category and then tell me I'm not fulfilling my duties in said category. I won't name any names here, but I will say that even some of the most popular plus size bloggers have encouraged me to be "proud of my body and share." Well, to that I say we have a serious screw loose as a society if the only way you can show that you're proud of your body is by showcasing it for the whole world. I love who I am, where I come from and what I represent as a person. I owe nothing to anyone and I sure as hell don't need to put a picture of myself in a bathing suit to prove anything or to justify my size. 

To the naysayers that have felt the need to direct message me with this nonsense, perhaps you are reading now. This is the response you've been waiting for. I'm sorry if I didn't respond personally. Call me crazy but I didn't believe you warranted a direct reply. Your messages were deleted, a few of you were blocked and life goes on.

Let me just say this, to anyone that might be listening and who might feel this same pressure to showcase yourself for whatever reason. The best advice I was ever given about being an online entity was to keep something for yourself, even if it was only 10% of your life. That's the 10% that will keep you sane, grounded and your own person. The whole world doesn't need to know everything about you. You aren't made better or worse as a person by sharing every failure, every success, every self perceived flaw or every self perceived beauty. You just do you. Do what makes you comfortable. Ignore the idiots that feel they have a say in your life, your decisions or your style. 

And just to cover my own ass here. If I one day do decide to share a picture of myself fully nude, feel free to come back here and say, "girl.... remember when..." Kidding, kidding. Don't expect a double page spread in any kinky mens magazines soon. The same goes for instagram.... But, if one day I do want to do that, it will be my decision, not a decision made from peer pressure to tell the world that every ounce of my flesh is glorious. What a load of rubbish. 

Now, I must apologise if my tone is snarky, negative or out of the norm. But, it's 12:05am and I finally just got to a point where I needed to get my feelings down somewhere. I've read this back a few times and debated whether or not to push "publish." Hopefully, in doing so, I'll manage to open a few eyes to the ridiculous pressures building up online and the power of saying "go pound sand."