If you follow me on Instagram, you’re already familiar with this picture and my little note about my issue with my arms. I’ve never liked them. In fact, I can’t remember a time when I was comfortable wearing short sleeve tops or strapless dresses. This hasn’t always been because I sport bingo wings. When I was very young I had a complete shoulder reconstruction and I have a massive scar because of it.
I was obsessed, as a teenager, with how people would stare at my shoulder scar. No really, I thought if I put it on display it would be the only thing anyone would look at and I would be judged because of it. You know how people always ask the question, “if you could say anything to your teenage self what would it be”? Well, I would tell myself that pretty much everyone on this earth has their own hangups, their own problems, their own self image to worry about. Generally, people aren’t sizing up everyone walking past them and placing judgement. We’re all too busy judging ourselves. I look back on that time and I think of how much time I wasted not wearing what I wanted because of a stupid fear.
Then, I found myself in the same cycle just this week. I was writing about how I hate my arms, my bingo wings, and how, whenever I can, I hide them. I throw on a striped top over the shoulders to minimise the width of my upper arms, I wear cardigans to hide them altogether or I just don’t bother wearing a dress without sleeves at all. The point I’m making is this. I know it’s ridiculous to be hard on myself for how I look. I know I’m my own toughest critic. And even at an age where I’m approaching a big number, I’m still just as hard on myself. And I guess I’ve just accepted that’s never going to change. There’s always going to be something. But then again, that’s what makes us human. That’s probably also what keeps us all down to earth. I can’t imagine there is anyone that walks this earth that wouldn’t change one thing if they could. Maybe I’m wrong. But, I guess ultimately I’m just trying to be vocal about the fact that no one is perfect and we are all too hard on ourselves. Today, however, I’m going to be brave and go sleeveless, maybe ever strapless. Because I want to prove to myself that I can do that without the world imploding. Wish me luck. It may all end in judgmental tears…only brought on by my own self awareness.
What I’m Wearing: